Why Do We Put up with Some People

We come across a variety of people in various walks of life. Some of them turn out to be long lasting relationships and some of them last just a short journey.

Is it right to assume that all the long lasting ones are strong? Do they have complete understanding and perfect compatibility? I do not think so; It may be too idealistic to think that all the long lasting relationships are perfect paintings. It may be that we learn to cope, adjust or put up with less-than-the-ideal relationship.

The key question therefore is: Why do we put up with some people, knowingly that the relationship is anything other than perfect?

Reasons surely vary from person to person.

• It could be the dependency for some essential needs.
• It could be because of socials stigma.
• It could be that I do not want to hurt someone by breaking away.
• It could be a sense of guilt of caring for self
• It could be that others pressurize to put up with.

Irrespective of the reasons, one thing is sure; it is important to carry out a pain-benefit analysis. What is the pain and what is the benefit for putting up with the pain? There could be many who may realize that for no gain, they are putting up with pain. 

In such cases, it is a matter of gathering personal courage to stand up to oneself and assert. Ask oneself: who am I pleasing at the cost of displeasing myself? 

tolerance is good virtue to possess; breaking relationships is a sure sign of intolerance and lack of adjustment among human beings. However, intolerance is required when the differences are at fundamental level related to value system. 

After all, would you like to save relationship at the cost of compromising your value-system? Is the relationship so very valuable that you lose yourself? If it were to be so important, you would not have been intolerant in the first place. 

Think about it! 

Humbling Experience to show gratitude

In India, we celebrate September 5 as Teacher's Day.

Since morning I have been experiencing multitude of feelings...recalling all those who contributed in making me what I am today. Going through a sense of gratitude is a very humbling experience.....by showing gratitude, we don't grow any smaller, that is the beauty!

It is simple yet not-so-often-quoted truth that we have not become what we are all by ourselves, however self-made persons we are....the moment we acknowledge that fact, we become humble and more humane.

Under the garb of being confident, let us not forget the humbling experience of showing our gratitude!

Despair and Hope next to each other

Yesterday I had this interesting experience when I was on a B-School campus. I was scheduled to have a luncheon discussion with one of my past students - who just completed the course and about to leave the campus. I thought he wanted some advice for his career.

When I joined him over the lunch table, he was all to nervous as to how to start. Slowly, he opened up saying he was not successful yet in getting a job offer and he was very anxious. In fact, he left his earlier job to pursue the management degree and now he is finding it delicate to share this news back home. What can I tell them? How long can I wait? What should I do? who can help me? How long can I hang around the campus? Why did I fail to get a job when some of my classmates managed to get? He was all nervous and anxious.

I had to empathize with him, encourage him, advice him and reassure him. I felt sad to see him in that state (i could recall how he was one of those very informal and somewhat casual student in the class)...he was all in despair...

As we were discussing over lunch, there came a family on the next table. We could make out from their discussions that the boy came to join the course and his parents came along to make him feel comfortable on the campus. He was oozing confidence and looking all trendy in his new clothes specially bought for the B-School campus. His head was high and there was a jig in the step...a sense of achievement for getting admission into the new course in the prestigious B-School. He was all with pride, hope and confidence...

I exchanged a glance with the student on my table...he had a tired smile on his face...it explained to me the thin difference between hope and despair...

What started well may not end well; what is not going well may not remain like that forever.

What will they think?

Today, I made a mistake while performing my job. I sent some incomplete information while sending an e-mail. I realized shortly after the mail was released. I apologized to the concerned person and wanted to release the corrected mail.

Till I modified and sent the revised mail, I was so restless with myself. I was guilty of my mistake. Such silly mistake while sending such important information? What will they think??

There I am...what will they think? All the restlessness in me was because of the fear of what will they think or because of the realization that I made a mistake? Is it okay to constantly think what will others think? Do I need to be self-critical?

Why are we so stupid?

Why do we caught up in the traps of power, wealth, credit for what we do?

Should we always look for credit for what we do? Many elements in nature like rising sun, blooming flower, a growing tree do not bother for recognition, they perform their job irrespective of who is noticing and who is praising them. They commit themselves to what they are meant to do. We, the humans, are more complex beings; we like to perform when someone praises us, when someone rewards us...why can't we simply perform our duty just as nature does?

We know that this credit, this struggle for power, this endless pursuit of wealth is all meaningless since we know the climax - death. Then why are we made this way - pursuing in something that will not mean anything to us at the end of life. So, is there meaning in giving or craving? We look so stupid - having the knowledge to understand the meaninglessness and at the same time, running after the same!

• Can I do something because I am good at doing it - irrespective of others noticing it or not?
• Can I earn more so that I can give more?
• Can I perform something even if others take the credit -with the satisfaction that what needed to be done has been done?

Who inspired me?

It has been quite a while since I blogged. I have been caught up with so much of buzz around me - it left very little time for me to reflect and publish on my blog. Today in fact I am motivated to blog bcos someone asked me a question that made me really think. The question was:

Who inspired in the early part of your career?
Question is too simple. But it made me think. Surely so many come into our lives completely unexpected, some continue with us and some exit. When I reflect back, I could think of many who made a mark on me during my growing up years and as I contibue to grow! How can I place one person in front and say that person inspired me? Was it my father, mother, teacher, manager, friend, some towering personality, some GURU, some book...who inspired me?

Where did I draw my inspiration from and where do I continue to draw?

If I say that none of the above inspired me, then I must have been self-made. I evolved my self and I realized my inner strength and that inspired.

Is that true? Is it possible?

These are questions that are simple, yet powerful. If we discover the answers, it will be help us a great deal when ever we are falling short of energy and in search of inspiration. In other words,

We need to know our source of energy so as to replenish whenever we need so that we can live a life that is always full of energy.

As I continue my instrospection, you too can ponder over these questions.

Old fashined or trendy?

I was talking to a sixteen year old teenager. He was sharing the current excitement among his classmates. The trigger for their excitement stemmed from the idea of coming to college next Tuesday, marking attendance, skipping classes, sneaking out of college and jumping into a movie theatre with pop corn in hand. How exciting and adventurous?

The sixteen year old does not understand why they should skip college when the parents are absolutely open for them to watch a movie. In fact, they have enough money in their pockets and all the freedom to go for a movie. Unconvinced with the whole idea of skipping college for no reason, the sixteen old declined the idea mentally.

However, the dilemma for the sixteen year old boy is how to manage the peer pressure. All his friends want him to join the excitement which he is not convinced about. At the same time, they are good friends and he wants to feel close to them. There is also the other danger of being labeled as old fashioned if he does not act trendy.

What should the teenager do?